SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
