I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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