in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
