how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
