U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
