Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
