I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
