I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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