the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
