thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize