I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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