Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
be right there i have to get my cape
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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