Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
