Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
