I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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