in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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