tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
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