I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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