i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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