took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize