well I can't set my house on fire every night
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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