be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
