none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
