Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
