If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
