Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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