Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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