Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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