my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I just had sex on a roof
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize