i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
