I want you more than these girls want KFC
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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