you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
