It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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