God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
