She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
