I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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