I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize