My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
