Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
