is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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