So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
