the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
