...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
