I wish I could teleport
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
