It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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