Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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