I accidentally burped into my bong.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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