I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
