You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize