btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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