I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
