Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Come see our sink grown plant.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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