my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
We don't watch enough power rangers
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
