I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
