Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I think your dad took our porno
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
