The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
