we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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