Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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