she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
