I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
vagina is talking i cant
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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