Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize