Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
