So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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