This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Who did Billy Mays play for?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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