Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
