So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Randomize
