too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
