im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
You have to summon your inner elephant
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize