I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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