YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
