I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Randomize
