Little spoons don't ask big questions
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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