dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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