He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
