That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
