if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
