the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
