don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
