ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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