this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
