If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i just google imaged poop.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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