i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
