Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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