when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
