Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
