Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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