Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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