He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize
