I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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