Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Randomize
