I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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