the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
i need some magic done to my vagina
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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