So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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