I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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