I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
