I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Also, beer. Big fan.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
