Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
