It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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