Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize