you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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