Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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