will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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