just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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