Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize