nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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