Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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