Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
