ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize