please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
